Notes from an (Adoptive) Grandmother

I clearly remember the day, it was my daughter’s birthday. We had gone out for dinner as a family (including my son, daughter-in-law, and their child). Suddenly, she exclaimed, “We have something to tell you, Ma”. 

I said, “Go ahead”.  She said “We are going to adopt a baby girl, Amma”. 

I was stunned.

For a while, I had been coaxing her to have a second baby as my elder grandson was almost 6. She never wanted it and always kept dodging me with some reason or the other. So, when she told me it was going to be a girl child, it rendered me speechless.

I believe in destiny. All along I wanted a girl child for them since they wanted and I knew that my daughter would love to have a girl. The first question I asked her was whether her in-laws knew about it, as it was my first point of concern. She said yes and they had spoken to them and they were quite positive. It took me a few minutes to come out of my daze! As a single mom, I have always stood behind my children and their decision but I know that it is not easy for many, so when I was told that my son-in-laws parents reacted very positively, I thought to myself that God has chosen this path for us as a family.

The next moment, my son and daughter-in-law too held my hand and congratulated me on being a grandmother for the third time, my happiness then knew no bounds! 

The stage of questions and concerns came later. I wanted to learn about the procedure and laws and I looked up CARA’s website to know more about the process. For the first time, it seemed like the government was genuinely making an effort in earnest to find suitable homes for the babies. 

After a wait of almost 11 months, we got the news! My daughter and her family were on the December break when she got the SMS, and she immediately called to tell me that there is a baby in Ranchi. The moment she sent me the photo, my instincts said that this is the child. In Tamil, we call it “Runa Bandham” as if we knew her before. That happy smiling baby who was barely 3 months old. Meanwhile as my son-in-law and daughter left for Ranchi, they left my grandson with me. While he was mentally prepared from before, we spent quality time with each other talking about how he would be with the baby. He also told me he wanted to name the baby Mia ☺ (He thinks he named himself too!)

The day she was brought home, she was the one who welcomed us with her magic smile. My daughter-in-law had come to decorate the house with streamers and balloons and it was festive. I extended my hand and said “Vaa, vaa (come, come)” and she immediately extended her hand to come to me. I thought to myself, this is it. God has chosen us to experience this and what an extraordinary moment it was.

From that day onwards, she has been a constant source of joy and sunshine. Now she is 3 and it is beautiful to have conversations with her. When I fumble with something, she laughs and says “ You are silly Ammamma, let me do it!” She is extremely independent, vivacious and loved by every member of the family.

I assure you that children are a blessing, biological or adopted. We are lucky to be the chosen ones who get these babies. Just imagine, a baby who has seen so many different faces since the time of birth, who doesn’t have a maternal association, sees you and chooses to trust you unconditionally and shows that with a smile or an extended hand. If that is not a miracle, I don’t know what is!

As an adoptive grandparent, I highly recommend this to people who spend years trying to conceive or put their bodies and emotions through so much. It can be scary to some, but I think asking questions and seeking information is the first step to overcome your concerns. As a society we need to do more for the children inside the system and outside.

The sound of her calling me “Ammamma” is always music to my ears and I feel lucky to be her grandma….

Geeta S lives in Bangalore and has 3 beautiful grandchildren. She, along with her daughter Radhika, son-in-law Ravi and grandson Vivaan, were adopted by Mia in 2016.