It took me a few months to pen how we slayed our dragons of doubt, fear and trepidation when it comes to adoption. After several drafts here is the one that made sense to share. When we held our 8-month-old baby girl in our arms the first time I imagined there would be music in the background and all the heavenly angels would come out to sing.
Na Da! Nothing like that happened. What did happen was there was relief and happiness beaming from within us. It also filled us with sadness for another mother who gave up her rights to this beautiful child. In Jody Landers words “A child born to another woman calls me Mom. The depth of the tragedy and the magnitude of the privilege are not lost on me.”
During our months of waiting we spent time talking to many adoptive parents, primary child care givers and adoption experts. The advice we got was invaluable but the one that did stick out was to trust the process. A lot our fears were dispelled here are a couple that made a big impact. A lot of open conversations helped us prepare for what we believe as our lives greatest adventure! Here is some advice that we received that proved to be a 100% GOLD.
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It will happen!!! Stop stressing!!!
Stop trying to control everything. Know that you and your child will be brought together.
One of the biggest fears we had to overcome was ability for us to build a bond or a connect with our baby. The biggest misconception was biological parents bond with their children effortlessly.
To our absolute shock it’s Not True!
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Bonding and attachment
We learnt that most parents would probably agree that attachment isn’t forged in an instant, but over time. The initial connection between a parent and child is bonding, and it sets the groundwork for a deeper attachment. A long-term relationship takes thousands of interactions.
It’s in the daily activities like feeding, bathing, dressing and comforting that eventually translates into true love. As you do these tasks, your baby develops trust and comes to associate you with meeting her needs.
The seemingly routine tasks were the beginning of our lives greatest love story!
The one thing that we want out daughter to grow up knowing that adoption is a gift of love and not a label. It is another way that families grow. We want her to grow up confident that adoption is a positive thing.
Blog post by: Suman Hangal
