Sometimes, we unintentionally communicate negative thoughts that could be detrimental to the relationship you have with the person. Therefore, being mindful of the kind of language we use becomes imperative for a healthy relationship.

Here is an exhaustive list that we should NOT say to the Adoptees

  1. You are special because you are adopted  

  2. You were chosen

  3. Your birth mother loved you so much that she gave you up

  4. You are lucky

  5. It doesn’t matter

  6. You shouldn’t be sad

  7. You should be careful what you ask for…you might get it

  8. By finding her, you are invading her life

  9. Why are you interested in someone who doesn’t want you

  10. Ever since you have started searching, you have become obsessed

  11. …But your adoptive parents loved you so  much

  12. …But you are hurting your adoptive parents

  13. You are being ungrateful

  14. You have no respect for your adoptive parents

  15. Get over it!

  16. If she loved you, she wouldn’t have given you away

  17. You are being over sensitive

  18. Forget and get on with your life

  19. Why would you want to find her

  20. You have no right to disturb her life

  21. You are being selfish and disrespectful

  22. Oh…you’re one of them

  23. You should respect her privacy

  24. But you don’t look adopted

  25. Well, maybe that was the way it was meant to be

  26. If she didn’t want you then, why would would she want you know? You will get rejected.

Source: Mrs. Saras Bhaskar

  • Currently pursuing her PhD at the University of Madras, Chennai.

  • As a research scholar was associated with University of Utrecht, Nederland

  • Master of Art in Human Services, Counseling & HRM, St. Edwards University, Austin Texas

  • Master of Arts in Applied Psychology, SIET College for Women, Chennai Tamil

To get in touch with Mrs. Saras Bhaskar,  visit



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