The lines blur with time. The life altering decision and the emotions behind it are now layered over with other choices and emotions. The “How did she come into our lives” question is no longer relevant. Today, it’s all about “Has she done her homework”, “Did she eat her veggies”, and at a deeper level “How are we supporting her decision to be an atheist”.
Anyone who knows me will tell you, I live my life in the same model that India has for development since 1951. Every big milestone thus far has been modeled exactly like the 5 year plans India has. So obviously, I had to get married before I turned 25, become a mother before 30, climb a mountain before 35, find my true passion before 40, and so on…
Today, 10 years 7 months and 11 days since we welcomed our baby girl I sit here reflecting our life altering choice to become a parent. Karthik (Oh the husband!) and I promised each other that we were not going to have a biological child, and when we were ready to become parents we’d adopt our child. In our 20s I am certain we had very strong reason why we’d do this, but now in our 40s the why is irrelevant.
We started having serious conversations about adoption when we were about to reach our 5th wedding anniversary, I was turning 29 the same year too. As our gift for each other we filed our paper work for adoption on our 5th anniversary. The process was long and arduous but the same year we met our little baby girl and welcomed her home!
Here are some of the fears that we as a couple had. Today, I laugh at our fears and trepidation but every time I talk to a prospective parent the memories of these fears come back to me. Here is my list of top 10 in no particular order:
- Will, I be able to bond with the baby?
- Will she love us?
- What happens if she grows up to hate me?
- What if she wants to go find her biological family?
- What if the biological mother comes to claim her child?
- What if I am a terrible parent?
- Should we tell her that she is adopted?
- When should we tell her that she is adopted?
- What if we don’t have anything in common? She doesn’t have our DNA and we won’t have any similarities?
- What if I don’t have the special bond that movies and ads show between a biological child and parent?
In my next blog, I will share how we slayed our dragons. Watch this space!
Blogger: Suman Hangal